Visitor

The Universe has always used animals to communicate with me. It knows I have a special bond with them, and appreciate their insight into the world. There was one day last year, when I was going through the bulk of my healing and keeping a journal of it, when I was particularly affected. I was eating breakfast outside, observing the nature in my backyard, when a squirrel jumped down from the tree closest to me onto the fence and looked me right in the eye. We stared at each other silently for several minutes, as if he were trying to tell me something, before he slowly made his way across the fence to the tree on the opposite side, never breaking gaze with me.

For the past week or two, I've been doing pretty well. I haven't been positive or able to meditate still, but I haven't been depressed or desperate, either. Yesterday was an exception. I was feeling especially rejected on all fronts, and became really depressed. I was desperate. I wanted to reach out and grab someone, anyone, to pull me out of the pit. Anyone but anyone would have done. A friend talked some sense into me, and after crying for a good long while, I went to sleep.

I wasn't feeling much better this morning, but I got up anyway and made some coffee. I'm trying to avoid the internet as much as I can, because it only causes more pain and that was part of the problem yesterday. So I was just sitting at my computer, watching an episode of Bones (as I have been known to do lately), when I happened to glance out of my window just as a hummingbird decided to land on my tree. I've never seen one stop for more than a second before flying off again, but she stayed for a good ten minutes and groomed herself. I watched her, and had to pause the show so that I wouldn't look away again before she left. She finished grooming, flew away, then came right back and this time sat on the branch facing toward me. She looked right at me. She flew away again and came back again, then again.

I don't believe in coincidence. I know the little hummingbird was trying to tell me something, even if it was only "calm down, good things are coming, just be patient."